Technical Difficulties
by Bride of Spock
Summary: After suffering the worst and hopefully last break up with Leonard, Penny's thinking of starting fresh, new options. But is she really falling for whack-a-doodle?
1. Personal Space (Or Lack Of)

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Personal Space (Or Lack Of)_**

* * *

**A/N: This is my first TBBT fanfic, hope you will enjoy :3**

* * *

Penny was asleep. It was just gone eleven. She smiled and rolled over. Penny started awake, however, when the knocking started.

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Penny groaned. "Sheldon," she mumbled sleepily, frowning and dragging herself out of bed. She walked to the door and opened it, yawning and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

He was scowling. "You've only just got up," he said accusingly. "You may as well skip breakfast and have lunch right away!" Penny wrinkled her nose at him. "That's what I was planning. Whatever. What d'you want, sweetie?"

"It's Saturday," Sheldon said. Penny rolled her eyes. "I won't be able to do my laundry as I have run out of washing powder," he continued. "Will you take me to the store?"

"I'll come get you in half an hour, Sheldon," Penny said tiredly. She shut the door without waiting for an answer.

One shower and several coffees later, Penny knocked on Sheldon's door. Leonard opened it. Penny had forgotten Sheldon shared an apartment with Leonard.

The atmosphere was tense and awkward. Penny and Leonard had recently suffered a bad breakup, which had followed Leonard proposing to Penny in bed.

Thankfully, Sheldon pushed past Leonard, oblivious, with a tightly scrolled list in his hand. Penny nodded politely, turned, and practically ran down the stairs. "What did you say to her?" Sheldon asked, bemused. Leonard just shook his head.

Once in the car and speeding away (under 40 miles per hour at Sheldon's insistence), Sheldon unrolled his list, revealing it to be quite long. "You said you needed washing powder!" Penny said in outrage.

"I _need_ washing powder," Sheldon said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I _want _a new comb, a calculator, three pairs of thermal socks…"

The list continued.

Penny sighed. "Whatever, sweetie, just don't be too long."

Penny had entered the supermarket as well, against her better judgement. "Don't buy shoes, don't buy shoes, don't buy shoes," she muttered as she walked upstairs. "Oooh, look at those!" Penny squealed.

She hadn't been able to keep herself away after looking at the first pair. She browsed the shoes, repeatedly falling in love with a pair and having her heart broken as she checked the price.

Sheldon appeared behind her. "I'm done," he said simply. Penny jumped, hastily putting the shoes back. "Okay sweetie, c'mon," she said, reaching for her keys.

After she left Sheldon at his door, she thought about Halloween, which was on Thursday. 'I'll throw a party,' she decided. Remembering it was Saturday, she threw her dirty laundry into a basket, which she placed next to the door.

Penny sat down, flicking through the television channels. "Boring, boring, boring," she muttered incoherently to herself. Subjected to sitting still with only her mind to occupy her, she found herself thinking of the boys.

Raj, strong but silent, to half the population at least. Penny pitied him for not being able to talk to girls, but she just knew he'd find love someday.

Howard had been immature and idiotic, driven by libido. He'd matured into quite a nice young man with the help of his fiancée, Bernadette.

Leonard. He was a good guy. Her on off boyfriend, though she was determined not to fall back on him anymore.

Penny wasn't quite sure how she felt about Sheldon. He could be cutting, insensitive, hurtful, and weird. But he could also be sweet, helpful and funny. Penny remembered well the time she'd slipped in the shower and dislocated her shoulder. Sheldon had 'come to her rescue', as she put it in her head.

She blushed pink as she remembered when Sheldon had helped her get dressed. "A hero never peeks," he'd said, but he did eventually. Penny giggled out loud as a hazy memory came to her. She'd asked Sheldon if he could help her into bed, and burst into giggles when she realized how that sounded.

After having these thoughts, Penny wondered whether she was developing a crush on Sheldon. 'No way,' she thought. 'Who would fall for whack-a-doodle?' Her conscience, timely as ever, answered for her. 'You would.' Penny pushed the thought away and tried in vain to distract herself, but always fell back on her thought.

Later, Penny lugged her heavy basket of dirty clothes downstairs. Sheldon was already there, folding his clothes with his weird contraption thingy. Her stomach leapt happily at the sight of him. Penny frowned and pushed the thoughts away as she started loading a washing machine. "Penny," Sheldon said. Out of her peripheral vision, Penny saw him nod courteously. She shook her head. 'Sheldon apparently considers that conversation,' she thought. "How are you?" she asked.

"I am feeling sleep deprived."

"Why's that sweetie?"

"Raj's sister Priya is staying for a week or so and she and Leonard have started a relationship." He sounded weary.

"Ah…this deprives you of sleep how?" Penny was curious.

"She and Leonard have been engaging in unnecessarily loud coitus every night. Comepletely unnecessary. It is also a breach of the Roommate Agreement. To add to the negatives, I dislike Priya with a passion."

Penny felt sick. 'Not only has he started a relationship so soon after me,' she thought furiously. 'His ex! The fact it's Priya makes it worse! How could he move on so quick when he was so smitten he proposed to me!' She didn't want to admit she was jealous. 'How could he do that to me though?' Penny asked herself.

On the inside, Penny was fuming, but she forced her face to remain expressionless. "Where's she staying?"

"Our apartment. My schedule has even had to be changed to accommodate her!" He sounded angry. No one messes with his schedule.

"Actually Penny," he said sheepishly. "I have a small favour to ask."

"Fire away," Penny said warily.

"Since my apartment is close to uninhabitable, may I stay with you for a few days?"

Penny felt sympathetic. "Awh, sweetie," she said. "I'd love to have you over, but there's only the sofa for you to sleep on."

His brow furrowed. "Well, that simply won't do," he concluded. "I will have to take your bed."

Penny blushed. If she didn't know Sheldon, that would've sounded suggestive. . . but she knew Sheldon and knew he was being completely serious.

"Didn't your mother teach you manners? And haven't you ever heard the phrase 'Ladies First'? Plus, it's my apartment!"

"Firstly, Penny, don't start sentences with 'and'. Secondly, for your information, I have, and I believe that is referring to doors. Third, I am the guest. However my mother did teach me manners, and proper ones too, so you shall be allowed your bed."

Penny rolled her eyes. "We'll settle it tomorrow," she said, biting her lip. She tentatively reached up and kissed him on the cheek. Sheldon froze. Penny grinned wickedly at him and skipped out of the door. A shout came from behind her. "Penny!" it wailed loudly. "You were in my personal space!"


	2. Knock Knock Knock, Penny

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Knock Knock Knock, Penny_**

* * *

Penny staggered into her apartment, drunk and finally home from clubbing. Stumbling slightly, she entered her bedroom, thinking of sleeping, but after entering she giggled. "Who needs sleep?" Penny asked, sniggering to herself. She collapsed on her sofa, slotting a movie in the player. She watched five minutes of it, unable to grasp the storyline, watching fuzzy images dance in her brain, until she passed out.

Penny woke eight hours later feeling like death. She wondered what had disturbed her, as she knew very well that she was a heavy sleeper. Penny didn't doubt what had woken her when the second round of knocks began. Three times, followed by her name, repeated three times. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It showed eight am. "Sheldon," she growled, sitting up.

Apparently she sat up too quickly. Millions of men with hammers found work inside her brain, hammering away. Penny groaned. She had no recollection of the night out whatever, but judging by the hangover she was nursing, it had been pretty dang good.

Anyway, to Sheldon. Clutching her head, she tottered across her apartment, teetering on unsteady legs. She threw open the door and gave the best glare she could at this time in the morning.

"This better be _damn_ important, Sheldon Cooper, or you will find my foot where the sun don't shine."

She was greeted with a smirking Sheldon. "Penny, there are plenty of places where the sun doesn't shine," he said smugly. "By the way, you made a grammatical mistake. Doesn't, not don't."

Penny was practically snarling at him. "What the hell do you want, Sheldon?"

Sheldon opened his mouth to make another sarcastic remark. Penny raised her fist and her eyebrows. Sheldon closed his mouth and covered his throat nonchalantly, crossing his legs as well. He started backing away.

"If you must know," he said. "The reason I have woken you before your preferred time of rise is because you invaded my personal space last night, which I disliked – " Colour rose in his cheeks. " – thus, I required revenge."

Penny eyebrows shot up higher. "You woke me up at eight am because I kissed – um, invaded your personal space?"

Sheldon nodded smugly.

Penny narrowed her eyes. "If it wasn't so early," she snapped. "I would have punched you. Count yourself lucky." She turned and slammed the door in her face. "If you make too much noise, you will further aggravate your hangover-induced headache," he called. Penny waited until she heard his door shutting before she went back to bed to indulge in some much needed sleep.

Later, Penny felt productive enough to clean her apartment. However, she got as far as folding her laundry and putting it away until her initiative faded and she flopped on the sofa, magazine in hand. "Ooh, those shoes are cute," she murmured absently, turning the page. Penny glanced up and took a guilty look at her untidy apartment. "Oh well." She shrugged it off. _I've done my good deed of the day,_ she said to herself. _I have time to relax, it's Sunday!_

Penny felt suddenly alone. It wasn't like she was starved of human contact, but she missed having a man, missed having someone to cuddle up to, missed someone focusing and praising her positive aspects and traits rather than pointing out her negatives. Although she came across as a lust driven lover, she was a caring girlfriend.

She tried to cheer herself up, for her mood had steadily decreased. _Girl, the next person to knock on that door could be your soulmate!_ Penny thought.

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Penny groaned. _Of course I would think that before Sheldon knocks at the door,_ she thought irritably. A part of her became excited and happy, but the rest of her squashed it. _It's Sheldon Cooper, Penny,_ she said to herself. _Dr. Sheldon Cooper, PhD, supreme ass, physicist, perfectionist._

Even so, he crossed the room and opened the door for Dr. Ass, plastering a big smile on her face. "Hey sweetie!" Penny said brightly.

"Good afternoon, Penny," Sheldon said. "Tonight we are dining out at the sushi restaurant – a drastic change in routine, I'm not entirely sure how my bowels will react, but I am certain – "

Penny wrinkled her nose. "That's nice sweetie, can we skip the bowel part?"

"We are dining out tonight at the sushi restaurant. Our party will include individuals of our social circle, which consists of Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz, Rajesh Koothrappali, Amy Farrah Fowler, Bernadette Rostenkowski, myself, and if you're willing to join us, yourself."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Sweetie, if my life was made into a movie, your lines would be five paragraphs long. So you and the gang are going to get sushi, huh? I'll come."

Sheldon didn't seem pleased. "There is no need to 'dumb down' my way of speaking. By the way, you are driving myself and Amy Farrah Fowler to the restaurant."

"I am?"

"You are. Good day."

With that, he turned and walked back into his apartment, leaving Penny staring after him, a smile playing on her lips.


	3. Sushi, and Seduction?

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Sushi, and Seduction?_**

* * *

Penny kept her eyes on the road, driving steadily and tuning out Sheldon and Amy's conversation. When the conversation got louder and more heated, she listened in. "Please refrain from holding my hand, Amy. As the Relationship Agreement states - "

Hold up. Amy was dating Sheldon!?

" - hand holding is only allowed if any of the following circumstances occur - one is in need of moral support during vaccinations, if either party are in danger of death, or if one is deserving of a hearty handshake after receiving a Nobel Prize."

"That's ridiculous, Sheldon. I must amend my previous opinion of the Relationship Agreement, in which I said it was romantic, to thinking it is completely preposterous."

Sheldon was offended. Penny could tell by his expression in her mirror. "Perhaps you would prefer me to terminate it. You do have two strikes."

Penny zoned out again for the rest of the journey.

Amy had spent the ride in huffy silence. Sheldon had remained silent and emotionless. When Penny finally pulled up outside, Amy burst from the car and ran to talk to Bernadette. Sheldon looked mystified at her odd behaviour.

Penny tried again to eat her sushi with the chopsticks properly, but always missed, or dropped it into her lap. "Here," Sheldon said. He took her hands and positioned them correctly with the chopsticks. Try as she might, Penny couldn't fight the warm fuzzies that spread from her hands to her heart. "Thank you, sweetie!"

Across the table, Amy was turning green. "Oh, so you'll hold my bestie's hands, but not mine?" she said, glowering. Sheldon made a sort of disbelieving laugh.

"I am showing her how to use her chopsticks correctly, Amy. Nothing in the Relationship Agreement states that I cannot help my friends."

Amy scoffed from across the table, and began fumbling with her chopsticks. "Sheldon, look, I can't use them! I need your instructions." Sheldon glanced up.

"Leonard, please assist Amy with her chopsticks," he said smoothly. Penny fought the urge to laugh at the look on Amy's face.

"Sheldon, you helped Penny, why can't you help me?"

"I am sitting next to Penny, therefore it is possible for me to help her. You, on the other hand, chose to sit 'as far away as possible' from me, as I recall." Amy scowled. Penny smirked. Sheldon had a smug smile on his face.

Leonard and Howard began talking about gaming, with Raj sipping his beer and participating eagerly. Bernadette was talking to Amy, but Amy still threw nasty glances across the table. _Are they directed at me or Sheldon?_

The tension in the car was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Sparks flew from Amy's eyes, while Sheldon remained oblivious. Penny was glad when she pulled up at the apartment. Sheldon thanked her and made his way inside, but Amy pulled at Penny's arm.

"What is going on with you, bestie?" Amy said, half-fiercely, half-pleadingly. "Sheldon is my boyfriend! You were flirting with him! I know I am not familiar with many social techniques, but I recognised your shameless flirting!"

"Flirting!?" Penny hadn't meant it like that, but looking back...

"Holy crap. I was flirting with Sheldon Cooper," Penny breathed. "Penny, he's my first proper boyfriend. Stop trying to upstage me! I'll let it go this time as you're my Bestie, but in future - hands off!" With that, Amy strode off into the night. Penny just stood there, dumbfounded.


	4. Sleepover with Sheldon

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Sleepover with Sheldon_**

* * *

Penny sat up and groaned. It was Monday, it was early...and she had work.

Penny began her morning routine automatically. Brush hair, put kettle on, get dressed, make and drink coffee, brush teeth, pocket keys. Then she would check the time and use any remaining to put her makeup on before leaving for the Cheesecake Factory early shift.

At eight thirty am, Penny got to work. Typical nine to five workers were coming in for breakfast, and Penny did her best to serve them. Her shift ended at twelve thirty. Within four hours, she'd reported four perverts, all of whom assumed her blonde hair and aesthetic assets meant that she was 'easy'. Penny had poured cold water on their crotches and been lectured by her boss.

Penny was just glad her shift was over, glad she could go home and wash away all the events of the morning; to shed the memories as easily as she shed her uniform. Penny tossed the clothes onto her bed carelessly and stepped into the shower, soothed by the warm water beating down on her.

She stepped out and dried herself carefully, blow drying and brushing her hair.

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Knock knock knock.

"Penny."

Feeling better after the shower, Penny opened her door smiling.

"Hi Sheldon."

"Good afternoon Penny. I am here for my stay."

"Awesome," Penny said. "Oh, by the way, I'm sleeping in my bed."

"I am as well," Sheldon said.

Penny sneaked a glance at him. He really had no idea.

"Well, I guess you can sleep on one side and I'll sleep on the other," Penny said uncertainly. She wasn't sure how that was going to work, with her out of control libido and growing affection for Sheldon.

Settled on her sofa with a mug of cocoa, Sheldon looked rather at home.

"Have you ever had a sleepover before, sweetie?"

"Not unless you count sleeping in the same womb as my twin sister," Sheldon answered.

"The same room?"

"No, the same womb. According to Missy it was an awful experience."

Penny finally caught on. "Right, okay then."

"Although Wikipedia dictates that during sleepovers one must play games and stay up until midnight, I must decline, as I need a full nine hours of REM sleep," Sheldon said seriously. Penny smiled uneasily.

"Sure. Hey, d'you wanna make some Penny Blossoms with me? I brought all the stuff and I was thinking of selling them on eBay."

"Alright."

A few hours later, Penny and Sheldon had made a nice heap of Penny Blossoms, which Sheldon was now packaging neatly.

"Sooo...what do you want for dinner?" Penny asked, although she was sure she already knew the answer.

"Can you make me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it?" Sheldon asked. He sounded like a kid asking for his favourite meal, but really, he was an oversized kid, Penny thought.

Nine o clock came. Sheldon excused himself for bed, while Penny watched television, eagerly awaiting the new episode of True Blood at ten.

Ten came. Penny watched them capture Russell and glamour Sookie and Alcide. She mindlessly saw Tara in her first vampiric fight and saw Sam in the hospital, but the whole time she thought of the Shamy.

Amy had just been paranoid and jealous, no doubt. There was no away Penny had been flirting. Well, maybe a little. But it was Amy's fault for pushing him away in the first place.

Penny got into bed at half past eleven. She'd had a long, long day. Penny smiled to see Sheldon tucked up respectfully on his own side of the bed. He was so innocent. It made a pleasant change from the majority of the male population. Sheldon stirred. "No...Penny, no," he mumbled, turning slightly and reaching out. Penny caressed his hand lightly before tucking herself under the covers and chanting that she was definitely NOT falling for Sheldon Cooper.

**A/N: I just wanted to apologise to the die-hard TBBT fans if Sheldon and Penny were a little or a lot OOC in this chapter or any of the others. Please review! :) **


	5. Cuddles in the Morning

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Cuddles in the Morning_**

* * *

The next morning when Penny awoke, she dimly registered that she was laying across a warm, soft body, and she could feel warm breath against her ear. The chest she was using as a pillow was gently rising and falling, still in a deep sleep.

Now, Penny knew for a fact she had not gone out last night. She had not gotten drunk in a bar, nor had she taken some random man home. In fact, the only man in the apartment was Sheldon.

_Sheldon._

Sheldon was in her apartment; had refused to sleep on the sofa. Sheldon was in her bed, cuddled beside her. Penny almost had a heart attack.

Penny, in that moment, didn't think of Amy. She didn't think of the threatening words Amy had given her two nights ago. She didn't think of Leonard and his proposal. Her mind was filled with Sheldon.

Sheldon and his cornflower blue eyes that seemed to look straight into her soul; his innocent yet genius mind that set him apart from so many.

The man himself was stirring. Penny hurriedly shut her eyes, hoping to savour the moment. Sheldon shifted a little. "Irregular heartbeat," he observed. "Fluttering eyelids."

Penny couldn't help it if she kept peeking at him and her heart was going a thousand miles per hour.

"I know you're awake."

"I'm really not." Sheldon laughed a breathy laugh.

"Sarcasm. Hilarious." Penny noticed he hadn't removed his arm from her stomach.

"Morning, Sheldon."

"Good morning Penny. I trust you had a pleasant REM cycle."

"Uhh, yeah, pleasant enough, I guess."

"Penny?"

"Yeah?" She stretched languidly.

"Could you please remove yourself from across me? I need to take a shower."

Penny had thought that he hadn't minded them laying together. Perhaps he hadn't minded. But the germophobe inside rose up and overpowered everything. He had washed vigorously. Penny could tell by his raw arms. "What do you want, Sheldon? French toast?"

"It's Tuesday, Penny!"

"Oh, sure. What's Tuesday then?"

"Oatmeal."

Half an hour later, Penny flopped down on the sofa and flicked the TV on.

"Penny, how can you relax when your apartment is in such a state? It's only Tuesday and already I can see dirty washing!" Sheldon sounded disappointed. Penny felt a little guilty.

"That's not dirty washing, sweetie," she said sheepishly.

"Then what on earth possessed you to fling your possessions around like this?" He gestured wildly.

"I couldn't decide what to wear!" Penny said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Sheldon shook his head at her. "Honestly, woman." Penny held back a small smile.

It was only _seven o clock_. Penny knew this because Sheldon had reprimanded (jokingly) for causing him to sleep in and miss Doctor Who.

Seven o clock. This added about four more hours to her day. She started work at two, so that was...seven hours.

"Woah," Penny said aloud.

"What's wrong, Penny?"

_Aw, he actually sounded like he cared._

"Nothing. It's just that getting up early adds more time to my day," Penny answered disbelievingly.

Sheldon picked up his box of chocolates from the coffee table. "Chocolate?"

"Sheldon, this isn't another of your absurd attempts to train me, is it?"

"No. I'm just rewarding you for making a correct observation."

"Aww!" Penny smiled. That was as good as a compliment from Sheldon, right? "Thanks, sweetie!"

Of course, getting up at seven had its benefits (seeing Sheldon before he left), but Penny drank a bit more coffee than usual to compensate for lack of sleep. By two o clock she was happy to go to work, having spent the morning picking out several items she could get with her weekly paycheck plus tips.

Penny had a smile on her face as she served customers and was pleased to see heavy tips coming her way. At half past five she was even more pleased to see her four regulars come in. Three of them had plus ones. Penny's smile dropped at little at the sight of Amy and turned upside down at the sight of Priya, but she was happy to see Bernadette. "Hey, guys! What can I get you?"

They all ordered. Priya asked about Leonard ordering a shepherd's pie just to start off a round of lactose-intolerant jokes, which Penny thought was quite cruel.

"Haha yeah okay then...what can I get you?" Penny's laugh was very forced and her teeth were gritted. They all ordered and Penny swept away to the kitchen.

"Here you go," Penny said, balancing four orders on her forearms. She put them in front of the boys. "Yours will be along in a minute," she said, addressing the girls. Penny watched them talk amongst themselves. Amy and Bernadette were laughing together, and Penny felt a small pang of jealousy. Sighing, she pasted a beaming smile on her face and got back to work.

Half an hour later, Penny finally clocked out, feeling exhausted. She nodded to her boss and got into her car. The drive home was uneventful. She unlocked and opened her door, quite ready to collapse on her sofa.

"Evening Penny."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to SunnyCitrus10 for the idea of them waking up cuddled together! Thanks for the follows and favourites! Please review! Also, if you guys could review with ideas or word prompts for a situation I could put Penny and Sheldon in, it'd be much appreciated!**


	6. Devilish Vixens and Green Eyed Monsters

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Devilish Vixens and Greed Eyed Monsters_**

* * *

**A/N: Shenny ahead! :D By the way, for slightly younger readers, be warned. There are references to sexual situations. Tell me what you think of Leonard, he's a little hard to write. He may be OOC so please tell me where I went wrong. Two updates in one day! Woop!**

* * *

"Hey, Sheldon." Penny locked the door and turned to see Sheldon sitting on her sofa holding a pair of..._oh no_. He had a pair of bongos. Penny remembered well the last instance Sheldon had access to bongos.

"When was your last haircut sweetie?" she asked innocently.

"Five weeks ago. I'm due for another in a week." Penny let out a small sigh of relief.

"Don't fret, Penny, the bad boy attitude vanished along with that haircut you gave me."

Penny rolled her eyes. "D'you want a drink?"

"Cocoa. With seven little marshmallows," Sheldon said. Penny's eyes widened, but she didn't ask, as a long winded explanation was NOT what she needed. What she needed was a nice long hot bath.

* * *

"There you go, sweetie."

"Thank you Penny," he said, patting the bongos with each word. "Why did you need my apartment key?"

"It doesn't matter," Penny said hurriedly. "Now, I'm gonna run myself a hot bath and then massage my feet."

* * *

Penny carefully lowered herself into the bath, hissing as the scalding water hit her body. She laid back in the bath, resting her head against the back. On second thought, she sat up and pulled the shower curtain across. Having another person - a man, at that, and Sheldon, at another - in the apartment had made her feel a little self-conscious, though the door was securely locked.

She scrubbed herself clean, washed her hair, then shaved her legs, reminding herself to get them waxed next time. Penny climbed out carefully - despite the addition of 'whimsical adhesive ducks', she was always cautious in the tub.

Sheldon was sitting at the table, typing on his laptop, the bongos nowhere to be seen. Penny grinned wickedly. Securing her towel, she bent over to whisper seductively in his ear. "Hey, Sheldon."

He gave a shriek (actually it was more of a squawk) and jumped in his chair. "Good Lord, Penny!"

"Whatever happened to Vulcan hearing?" Penny tugged on one of his ears.

"It was lulled into a false sense of security by a devilish Nebraskan vixen!"

"Vixen, huh?"

Sheldon turned around. "Have thee no modesty, woman?" he said, turning his eyes away. Penny noticed that she'd woken up 'little Sheldon'.

_Asexual, my ass._

"Sheldon?" Penny asked, in her asking-for-something-she-most-likely-wouldn't-get- voice.

"Yes, Penny?" Sheldon said. He was still pointedly looking anywhere but at directly at her.

"Will you massage my back?" Penny stuck her bottom lip out and pouted at him. "Please?"

She knew, from Amy, that Sheldon gave a good massage. She'd been insanely jealous until Amy relayed that she'd taught Sheldon how. She wondered if Sheldon actually would, what with his aversion to physical contact.

"The physical appearance of the please does not influence my decision, but yes. Amy taught me where to massage to get a good reaction."

Oh God, the innuendos. Penny fidgeted slightly, suddenly extremely aware she was wearing nothing but a towel.

Penny changed into black leggings and a backless blue thing that could hardly be called a top. The only thing stopping it from being a bib was the tiny strip of elastic at the bottom that hugged it to her without being borderline inappropriate. The neckline was just a band around her neck that tied at the back.

She smirked, watching Sheldon's Adam's apple bob up and down his throat.

_Stop it Penny, _she told herself._ He has a girlfriend._

_When has that stopped you before?_

_This is Amy's boyfriend. My...bestie's boyfriend. _

_So?_

"Just shut up, okay?!" Penny burst out. Sheldon looked curious. "Sorry, sweetie. Just talking to myself there."

"So where should I sit?"

"I will sit here - " Sheldon indicated a spot on the floor " - and you will sit in front of me." He sat down on the floor with his legs out in front of him, half bent. Penny sat down and shuffled backwards. "Stop. There's fine. Do you have any oil you want to use?"

"Erm, no."

"So I'll begin."

* * *

Leonard raised his hand to knock on Penny's door, wondering how she was doing. Living with Sheldon wasn't all rainbows and unicorns, no - Leonard knew that for a fact. He became lost in thought for a moment, but shook his head and raised his hand again.

Before he could knock, however, he heard a deep, guttural moan.

He winced, blood rising to his cheeks, and turned away quickly, but curiosity got the better of him and he put his ear to the door.

"Oh my God, Sheldon, right there."

"That good?" Sheldon asked.

"Yes," Penny said, dragging the single syllable. "Oh, my God."

Leonard cringed, feeling hugely mixed emotions crashing in his brain. Anger, jealousy, shock, a hint of betrayal. Then Leonard thought of something, or someone, and pulled out his phone as he walked back into 4A.

* * *

Amy heard her phone ring from the bedroom. It was a recording of Sheldon saying "Bazinga!" and with the settings her phone was on, it repeated over and over again. It unnerved Sheldon, but Amy loved it.

"Hello, Leonard."

"Hi. Um. I need to come talk to you."

"I'm at home."

"I'm outside."

Amy walked through her apartment and opened the door, hanging up as she did so. "Hello, Leonard. Please come in."

Leonard came in, wringing his hands as he sat down. "Amy," he began. "I don't know how to tell you this, but - "

"Tea, Leonard?"

"No thanks. Sheldon is - "

"Pepsi?"

"Yes, please! Sheldon and - "

"Diet or regular?"

"Penny and Sheldon slept together!" Leonard yelled exasperatedly.

Amy dropped the glass she was holding. It fell to the floor, slowly and deliberately, and smashed, sending chards in every direction. Leonard recoiled a little, scooting to the opposite side of the couch. "Amy?" he said tentatively. He tried to interpret her facial expression, but it was blank as a sheet of paper, and almost as white.

Then, in one fluid movement, the blood rushed back into her face and she moved quickly across the room, grabbing her keys, pocketing her phone and dragging Leonard along with her.

"Come on, Leonard," Amy said, pain evident in her voice, though she made an effort to remain normal as she locked the door.

"Where - where are we going?"

"I'm going to bite the bullet and face this head on, and you're coming with me."

"I am?"

"You are."

* * *

**A/N: Ooh, cliffhanger! What do you think will happen next? Leave a review! P.S. Should I do more Leonard and Amy POV's? Just wondering what you thought of my characterization :)**


	7. Impending Doom

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Impending Doom_**

* * *

**A/N: I don't know the translations of pounds and dollars (I'm English) but twenty five pounds is quite a lot to me, so I figured it would be a lot in dollars too, if the translation was the same. **

**FYI, I changed Halloween from Thursday to Friday. Also, apologies for OOC stuff, again. I'm not fantastic at writing Sheldon, I know, but I hope he's okay. I like to imagine he'll go a little out of his comfort zone for Penny.**

* * *

Penny felt incredibly relaxed. Her muscles were loose and knots of tension had been worked out. She sat down and flicked on the TV, settling to watch Simpsons while she painted her toenails a vibrant fuchsia pink. Wednesday was her day off, so she took advantage of the extra sleep by staying up late watching movies. Penny realised with a jolt that she hadn't drunk for a week. She fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, the natural way.

* * *

Penny stretched out, feeling every muscle strain. Opening her eyes, she found that she was in her bedroom, in her bed, snuggled under the covers. Penny, having not drunk the previous night, remembered the evening vividly. She'd fallen asleep watching movies. On the sofa. She shrugged it off at first, telling herself that she'd dragged herself to bed after all. Then Penny found the note.

_Penny, You fell asleep on the sofa last night, so I carried you to bed. I didn't want the good work of the massage to be reversed because of a simple location problem. Do try not to fall asleep on the sofa, it is not ideally proportional to your size and you would have gotten terrible back ache. You're welcome._

"Lovely," Penny said disbelievingly. The words sunk in a little and she flushed at the thought of Sheldon carrying her.

Penny found her tips jar. Last night she'd put the crumpled notes in there. She pulled them out and counted twenty five dollars, a lot for tips. Penny frowned. How had she gotten so much? Sure, she'd been happier and therefore friendlier than usual, but that would only guarantee a few dollars extra...

_Oh, the perverts,_ Penny thought. _The Penny has dropped!_ She took a moment to laugh at her pun, then recalled at least two of the idiots tucking a note into her skirt. It was thanks to them she was able to go shopping.

Sure, twenty five dollars hadn't been a lot to go on, but Penny had found a little store that sold decent things for decent prices. She managed to get two tops, a skirt and two pairs of pumps. Penny bookmarked the store in her head for future reference on her 'poor days', days when money was low. Penny realised Friday was two days away. Halloween. She wanted to throw a party.

Groaning at the prospect of having to go shopping again, Penny changed her clothes after a quick shower and made her way to the store, where she bought enough sweets to feed an army. She also bought a pumpkin, determined to actually carve one for Halloween. Sighing, Penny stretched out on her sofa, wiggling her new pink toenails. "I need to get out more," she said grouchily to herself. Penny made herself a sandwich and watched TV. Just as the advert break ended, her phone rang. "Hello?" Penny said, holding the phone to her ear without checking caller ID.

"Penny," Amy said in a tight voice. "I have a matter I wish to discuss with you, and I'd rather not do it over the phone. What time will Sheldon be back?"

"Tonight's new comic book night and video game night," Penny said doubtfully. "Come round at about six, okay?"

"I will. Goodbye." Amy hung up abruptly, startling Penny, who had just opened her mouth to say goodbye.

* * *

"What's up, Shel-bot? Did your batteries run down?" Sheldon had been sad and withdrawn all evening. Now, he sighed heavily, as though just existing were a huge effort.

"I was accused of something I didn't do," he said sadly. Penny was surprised and pleased he'd opened up to her, so she pressed further.

"Who?"

"Amy."

_Did this have to do with the phone call? Did Sheldon get one too?_

"What did she accuse you of?"

"Courting another woman while in courtship with her."

"Um...cheating?"

"Exactly." He thought for a moment. "Why would Amy accuse me of something she has no evidence to prove? That's not like Amy. She is a woman of science, like myself."

Her hopes dropped a little at that statement. She knew she was not, and never would be, a woman of science.

"She said she will be over at six to discuss matters with me and for some reason, you."

Penny's heart leapt into her mouth. Did Amy think that Sheldon and her had started a secret relationship, or something?

Penny reminded herself to stop asking her conscience silly rhetorical questions.

* * *

**A/N: I know. It is so short I can't believe. Also, I know it's a lot of Penny inner monologue, but it's like the chain between two chapters, as there had to be something between two fillers :)**

**This is your Christmas present (albeit late)! Kind of a crappy cliffhanger but I hope you're looking forward to the talk! Amy and Leonard vs Penny and Sheldon! Who will triumph?;) Btw, thanks so much for 60 follows!**


	8. Severe Mistakes and Nebraskan Wrath

**A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews last chapter! I was so worried I'd get flamed for posting the most boring chapter in history but the reviews were really positive, thanks! So, on with the chapter you've all been waiting for! **

**P.S. I've tried really hard to keep them in character. Sorry if I slipped up. **

**Warning - bad language and mentions of sex...and Sheldon PWNING!**

Six o clock came. One past six came. Two past six came, as did three past six, and four past, and five... "She's late!" Sheldon exclaimed.

"Oh sweetie, when people say six they always turn up a little later," Penny said comfortingly.

"Not Amy!" Sheldon said. Penny sighed.

At quarter past six a set of fast, harsh knocks sounded. "Coming!" Penny yelled. She walked to the door and opened it, doing her best to smile at Amy and - ugh - Leonard. "Hey, guys!" she said flatly.

"Good evening. Is Sheldon here?" Amy asked.

"Yes, he is, let me just call him." Penny almost yelled, "Amy's here, sweetie!" but she held herself back due to the topic of discussion. "Sheldon! Amy's here!"

Leonard, Amy and Penny sat awkwardly on the sofa. Sheldon was perched comfortably on the armchair. "So," Penny said pleasantly.

"So indeed," Amy said, sending Penny a death glare. Penny was instantly on alert. Amy was practically obsessed with her, what could Penny have possibly done to illicit such a glare?

"I wished to meet you two to discuss a pressing matter," Amy began.

"Why's _he_ here then?" Penny interrupted, jerking her thumb at Leonard.

"I have a name you know," Leonard muttered indignantly. Amy chose to ignore both comments.

"Penny, you have behaved unforgiveably towards me. I never expected such a huge betrayal from my bestie!" Amy exclaimed, sounding on the verge of tears.

"I haven't done anything!" Penny said, feeling a little betrayed herself.

Amy pointed a perfectly manicured finger at Penny accusingly. "I don't mean to be crass, but in times like these it's justified. You had sex with Sheldon!"

Penny, who had taken a big gulp of Pepsi, was quite sure it sprayed out of her nose as she choked. "What the - I never - "

"Don't lie to me," Amy said, the manicured finger trembling. "Leonard heard you. Moaning."

"Penny and I never did such a thing!" Sheldon said, shock evident in his voice as he took over. "Amy - you know I would never - "

"Do I, Sheldon?" Amy said sadly. "You won't kiss me. You won't even elicit physical contact unless prompted."

"Relationships aren't all about physical contact, Amy!" Sheldon interrupted. "When ours was a relationship of the mind, we were perfectly stable as a couple!"

Penny and Leonard were staring in shock. Their eyes met once and instantly their eyebrows went up.

"You are not adverse to living with Penny!" Amy complained. "You don't complain when she hugs you freely, like it means nothing, but when we hug there's always a reason why we shouldn't!"

"I am led to believe, and have sufficient data to prove, that in a normal hug, the female does not take to squeezing the male's buttocks inappropriately and without his permission!"

Geez Louise, Amy was more desperate than Penny had originally thought.

Amy pressed her lips together. "I am open to introducing a carnal aspect into our relationship yet you are reluctant to do _anything_!" Amy all but yelled.

"You are so desperate for coitus I wonder if it is even me you desire!"

* * *

Penny and Leonard's mouths simultaneously dropped open.

"What are you saying?" Amy's eyes adopted a sad puppy look.

"I do not believe you wish to continue our relationship, Amy," Sheldon said, pursing his lips. "I think any man with functioning genitals would do. To put it crudely, I wonder if the only thing you wish to do is to get into my pants."

Leonard and Penny gazed at him with shock, and swivelled quickly to judge Amy's reaction.

"There are lots of things to be desired about you, Sheldon! Your intelligence, your looks - " She faltered after that, and Sheldon shook his head.

"If I had those things taken from me you would drop me faster than a bored child dropping a uninteresting toy," he stated simply. Amy was gaping like a fish. "Penny, what do you like best about me?"

She was surprised he'd asked. "Your personality, your funny little quirks, your schedules and planning, the way you talk with all your fancy words, your Sheldon-ness, and your muchness," answered Penny. She immediately became aware that she should have listed far less. Also, in a small corner of her mind, Penny was proud of her Alice in Wonderland reference. 'Bad time, Penny,' she told herself.

* * *

"Thank you Penny."

"No problem sweetie." Penny couldn't hold back her grin.

"Of course she would say that, she's your - your fuck buddy!"

Penny was up from the sofa in less than a second, ready to take matters into her own hands. "How dare you," she hissed.

"Penny, you don't need to - "

"Yes, I do! She insults you, I'd defend you, but you're fully capable. She insults me..." Penny was snarling at Amy, who had leant back in her seat. "...and I'll decide what's what."

"At least sit down, Penny," Sheldon said nervously.

"Leonard heard you," Amy said, sounding as defiant as she could with a shaking voice.

"Oh, Leonard heard us? It must be true then!" Penny spat. "You'd trust a whiny little rat over your 'bestie' and your boyfriend? Without getting the full story?"

"What happened then? I heard moaning." Penny rounded on Leonard, full of good old adrenaline.

"Have you ever heard of this thing that's called a MASSAGE? It feels good and it loosens your muscles so you moan because it feels good!" Realisation and guilt ran across Leonard's face and he shrank back. "And YOU!" Penny exclaimed, turning back to Amy. "I just - I have no words! You can bin that friendship bracelet because you don't DESERVE it! You're not a proper friend! You're just desperate for sex and affection!" Penny scowled. Tears brimmed in Amy's eyes. 'Good. She deserves them,' Penny thought.

"Now get out! Both of you! Have FUN with Gerard!"

"You can consider the Relationship Agreement terminated on the terms of trust issues," Sheldon added in a small voice. Amy ran from the apartment in tears. Penny smirked at her retreating back.

**A/N: That was such fun to write, hehe. Okay. Now that the bitch is gone we can progress to Shenny! I hope you didn't hate Penny too much! Remember she feels backstabbed and betrayed, and raging is her way to deal with it! Do you think she should regret her actions? Please review! Happy New Year guys!**


	9. Downtime and a Chance of Procreation

_Technical Difficulties_

**_Downtime and a Chance of Procreation_**

* * *

**A/N: The reviews! I got at least 10 in the first posted day! **

**And hey look, you got a nice big chapter! ;D**

**To Anon13: Thanks for your review, but I personally don't think she overreacted. She's very clingy and would be majorly ragey if Penny slept with Sheldon. I think she'd see it as the ultimate betrayal.**

* * *

Breathing heavily, Penny stomped over to a cupboard and pulled out some wine. "Penny!"

"I think I deserve this one, don't you?" Penny said, scowling. Sheldon folded his hands in his lap and said nothing. After just a sip of wine, Penny set down her drink abruptly.

"I'm sorry, Sheldon, I'm being selfish and this isn't necessary." Penny put the bottle away. Sheldon gave her a small smile.

"Thank you Penny," he said. "You're being very responsible." He twisted his hands in his lap. Penny smiled proudly and then noticed his drooping expression.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I feel mixed emotions."

"Please elaborate?" Penny was pleased with her use of a 'big word'.

"Well," Sheldon sighed, "I feel disappointed in Amy. She was so promising, but she has stooped to the likes of Leonard. I am dwelling on the fact that she and I will now not procreate - " Jealousy flared up in Penny and she fought hard to keep her cool. " - and as a result, our separation lessens the chances that a superior being could be brought into the world."

"Wouldn't the baby be dumb though? Two somethings cancel each other out...two negatives make a positive, right? Shouldn't you 'procreate' with a dumb person? To increase the chances of the smart gene being passed on." Sheldon seemed to be looking at her with new respect.

"You're right! Well, partly. Your hypothesis is much more stable than mine." He thought for a moment. "Why, a superior being would have more chance of being born of myself and you!"

Penny's eyes widened. She couldn't help dwelling on the _making_ of a baby. With Sheldon. Right that moment. As soon as she caught up with her lusting train of thought, she stopped it abruptly (and a little reluctantly).

Sheldon laughed his breathy laugh a little late. He caught Penny's eye and held her gaze longer than he should have.

* * *

As they lay in bed that night, Penny was thinking about - obsessing over - their conversation about procreation. She knew it was a silly thing to dwell on, but it kept replaying in her head. Penny snuggled closer to Sheldon and fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Penny woke early, feeling like death. Sheldon fluttered around her as she lay in bed, wrapped in blankets. "Are you sick? Do you require a hot beverage? Would you like me to sing Soft Kitty to you?"

"That's sweet, Sheldon, but I'm sure it's just a migraine," Penny said sleepily, though her heart protested. Actually, it practically screamed at her.

"If you're sure," Sheldon said worriedly.

"I thought you were scared of sick people? Why are you here?"

"You require looking after, Penny, and as your friend I am here for you." Under his breath, he then added, "Migraines are not contagious."

Penny didn't hear. Between talking and listening, there was a dull thudding in her head.

"I believe you should take the day off work," Sheldon pressed on.

"Come off it Sheldon! I'm fine!" Penny protested.

"You cannot work while - "

Penny knew he was dumbing it down.

" - while you can't concentrate. You might get orders wrong, spill items, drop trays, God only knows what else..._as my mother would say_..."

"Nice save," Penny commented, smirking. "Is the offer still open for having Soft Kitty sung to me?"

"Of course, Penny."

* * *

Penny slept until midday, having been sung peacefully to sleep (courtesy of Sheldon). At some time past twelve, her phone began to ring. Hoping she could ignore it, Penny turned over, but the incessant ringing and buzzing was too much of a distraction.

"Hello?" she said groggily, holding the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Penny! It's Krystl!" Penny's cousin squealed down the phone.

"Hi, Krystl. How have you been?" Penny said unenthusiastically.

"Great! You know I'm living in California now?"

"Really? How long?"

"Only like three months, I'm getting settled in. There's still boxes everywhere."

"Any particular reason you called?" Penny hadn't had enough sleep or coffee to deal with her hyperactive cousin.

"Well, you know how I always wanted to be like you? An actress?"

Penny remembered all too well. Krystl had copied everything she'd done. Except rodeo. That had always been Penny's thing. Thank God.

"Yeah, I remember."

"I got an acting job! I got a part in a new crime TV series!" Krystl said excitedly.

"Oh...that's great, Krystl!" Penny hid her frustration. "Is that ALL you wanted to tell me?"

"Actually, I was wondering if I could ask for a favour..."

"Go on..."

"Well, back in Omaha, Daddy gave me a puppy, and I'm gonna be away for like three days or whatever, so could you, um, _dog_sit for me?"

"I guess so," Penny said reluctantly. "I dunno what Sheldon will think though," she added, mainly talking to herself.

"Ooh, who's Sheldon? Hot name. Is he your _boyfriend_?"

"No," Penny sighed.

"You wish he was?" Krystl had always been smarter than she looked.

'Damn her for being a ditzy blonde and catching me off guard,' Penny thought. Krystl took Penny's silence for a yes.

"So you _live_ together?"

"We're roommates. Do you wanna drop the dog off today or tomorrow?"

"Nope, I'll bring her over Saturday. I daresay you'll be having your usual Halloween rave, and no one wants a pup around for that," Krystl said bluntly.

"That'd be great," Penny said, relieved. Penny gave Krystl her address and hung up at last.

"What have I gotten myself into?" she asked aloud.

* * *

"So you want pizza with mushrooms, sausage and olives?" Penny asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yes," Sheldon answered, giving her a strange look. "You know that only the third Thursday of every month is 'anything can happen Thursday'. Today is the last Thursday of the month."

"Thanks for the update," Penny said sarcastically, flipping through the pizza menu.

"You're welcome," Sheldon replied, oblivious to the sarcasm. Penny huffed and rolled her eyes, but carried on flicking through the little menu.

"It's surprising how many different variations of pizza there are," Penny commented, making slightly awkward small talk.

"Indeed."

Penny ordered quickly and sat down on the sofa. Sheldon remained where he was: perched awkwardly on a stool.

"Are you going to my Halloween party tomorrow?"

"I will consider it."

"Great," Penny said chirpily. "Listen, do you like dogs?"

"I am not adverse to the creatures, however large dogs..." He shuddered. "Myself and Missy had a dog when we were little. We got it for our eighth birthday, but it was put down by our ninth. It made funny noises." He raised an eyebrow. Penny raised her eyebrows too.

"Well, my cousin called. I'm gonna be babysitting her puppy for three days...is that okay?"

"That is fine, however I absolutely refuse to clean up after it."

Penny visibly relaxed. "Awesome!"

* * *

**A/N: So I know this chapter touches on some serious stuff. Flame if you will. Read the explanation first though, and THEN I give you permission to flame.**

**When Sheldon talks about procreation, he's being completely scientific. He does ****_want _****to bring a superior being (haha) into the world, he was just DISCUSSING possibilities with Penny, and Penny's lusty mind blew it out of proportion. It is a big deal to her, but not Sheldon, and he didn't realise that.**

**Don't worry, we won't be going into that yet. We've still gotta plow through Shenny until we get to the serious stuff!**

**P.S. The negatives, positive stuff of baby making is probably all wrong, but for the sake of this fic, please leave it out? I wanted fluff, I got fluff. Sorry to any super science people!**


End file.
